When \"Perfect\" Feels Wrong: Trusting Your Gut Over Your Head

When "Perfect" Feels Wrong: Trusting Your Gut Over Your Head

You know that feeling when someone seems too good to be true, but you can't figure out why? They remember everything you've told them, share all your interests, and say exactly what you want to hear. Your friends think you're lucky. Your brain agrees. But your stomach feels like it's doing backflips every time they text.

Here's the thing to remember- healthy relationships don't make you anxious.

I learned this the hard way. When someone mirrors everything about you perfectly like your hobbies, your values, even your coffee order from three weeks ago—it's not soul mate meant to be compatibility. It's homework. They study you. They want to appear perfect so that you like them, then love them. It's them setting the hook. Real people have their own stuff going on. They forget details sometimes. They have different opinions about movies.

Pay attention to how your body reacts. If you're getting panic attacks around someone who's "perfect for you," that's not your anxiety disorder talking. That's your nervous system doing its job, picking up on things your conscious mind missed.

Your gut isn't dramatic. It's protective. You sense things before your conscious brain can register what exactly is going on.

Don't mistake your body's warning signs for a malfunction. If something feels off, chances are it absolutely is! As soon as you start to question yourself, this should be your biggest red flag. If you find yourself saying "they're perfect for me, but..." or anything along those lines, please trust your instincts. Set a boundary. Ask for space. A toxic person will push back against this and show you their true colors, usually thought guilt and manipulation, blame shifting and making you feel horrible about having a boundary. A healthy person that cares about you will understand and be there for your needs.

Try this simple meditation when your head and gut are in conflict:

The Inner Compass Practice (4-6 minutes)

Sit comfortably and place both hands on your belly, right where your diaphragm meets your ribcage. This is your body's wisdom center.

Begin with belly breathing, let your hands rise and fall as you breathe into this space. Inhale for 4 counts expanding your belly, pause, exhale for 6 counts. This longer exhale tells your nervous system it's safe to feel what's really there.

Now bring to mind the situation that's confusing you. Notice what happens in your body. Does your chest tighten? Does your stomach clench? Does your breathing get shallow? Just observe without judgment.

Imagine your logical mind as a bright light in your head; analyzing, explaining, rationalizing. Thank it for trying to protect you, then gently dim that light for a moment.

Now tune into the deeper knowing in your belly. This is where your vagus nerve connects to your gut wisdom, it’s your body's ancient alarm system that kept your ancestors alive.

Breathe into this space and ask: "What does my body know that my mind is trying to talk me out of?"

Don't rush the answer. Let it emerge like a whisper: Maybe it's "something feels off." Maybe it's "this is moving too fast." Maybe it's simply "no."

Before you finish, place one hand on your heart and repeat: "My body's wisdom is valid. My instincts matter. I trust what I feel."

Your gut has been protecting humans for millions of years. Your thinking mind is wonderful, but it's only been around for a few thousand and it is much easier to manipulate. Trust the older, deeper knowing.

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